Chakra: Higher Heart
♏Sign: Scorpio
Mantra: I Desire Hydrogen. I Desire my transformation into the power of union.
🔥Activation: Place the hands over the upper sternum and gently open the chest.
This topic lands on the first day of Navaratri for Goddess Matangi; The Goddess who attracts and fulfills desires. I have always thought that when I was working with this kind of energy that I should think of the big desires in life that I want to attract. A communal space for our seasonal gatherings, more money, to learn a new skill, etc. I have so many desires to expand and enhance my life, that I am never at a loss when asked about what I want to manifest. Then something happened last night that has me contemplating desire on a different level. At the level of origin. Desires that are of the quality of Hydrogen.
It’s the little things I want in my day, in my relationships, in my space, that I completely ignore. The little necessities so that I am steady and my day is harmonious. It is these seemingly minor desires that I push down and away so that I don’t have to inconvenience anyone, including myself, or disturb the peace. Over time I start to feel dull. My needs are not being met, and it causes disconnects in all directions. The hydrogen links are not helping to create the tapestry of fulfillment in the every day mundane. The result is bursts of fulfillment in the big and achievable; soon to fizzle out for lack of sustained alignment with standard needs and desires.
This is not a method of living that I want my daughter to see in me, nor learn from me. This is not the path to true harmony. Of course it is proper to be considerate and to sacrifice selfishness. This is the shadow part of desires that I trip on in practice. How can I tell the difference between taking care and taking from?
There is much to say about the origin of this habit of denying what I want. Inherited from my mother, reinforced by my training, and festering in the depths of my psyche. It could be analyzed and deconstructed, but what seems more functional to me now is to start to repair it. One disconnected molecule at a time. Repair the bond of my desires, so that all the parts of me can flourish. Those simple and humble desires that make up the fullness of Self.
I Desire Hydrogen.
I Desire my transformation into the power of union.